Name That Meme_V1.0

Socially Awkward Penguin.

My submission, courtesy of memegenerator.net

"No, it's ok, I don't mind."

Word to the wise..... when you hear someone say this.... LOOK AT THEIR FACE. Are their eyes meeting yours, or the ground? Is the corner of their mouth turned upwards, or downwards? FOR HEAVENS SAKE... DID YOU JUST CAUSE THEM TO FURROW THEIR BROW SO THEY LOOK LIKE A VULCAN?


There is a new virus out there I need to tell you about.... cue (errr, is that que?) public service announcement.

********* BULLETIN -- PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT *********

VERY URGENT MESSAGE _ New virus threat has been detected.

A new virus has been identified by the CDC and named as, "CIO", or cluelousnes inconsiderousnous obnoxiouslous. This virus is highly agitated and spreading rapidly.

Symptoms include, but are not limited to:

• an unnecessary sense of urgency,


• a demanding attitude with others because you have not adequately planned ahead,


• a delusional state that causes you to believe that the world revolves around your schedule

Hand washing is necessary, but it may not prevent spread of this disease.

People who are exposed to other people are at risk. People known to be considerate of other people are more susceptible.

Little can be done to ease the symptoms; however, the carrier is at less risk of being annoyed by them as they are often unaware they have been inflicted with the disease.

Professionals are recommending you be inoculated. This can be obtained with a shot of confidence, which will strengthen your vertebrae and help your larynx release words like: "No."

*** This PSA has been brought to you today from the letters W, T, and F. ***

New Year's Resolution

This morning as I started my day, I found thoughts in place of what is usually a thick cloud of humdrum filled fog. My husband would likely call this "morning grump" having deep thoughts a miracle. What the heck does he know? LOL. It's funny that after 22 years of marriage I don't even need to have him present for a martial fight anymore. I wonder if he knows I won this one, too?

It's my birthday. Number 39. Last stop 'til 40, right? The morning reflections.... is this a part of aging? Waking up in the morning and ponderng all of life's big unanswered questions? Or is this more of a biological thing that is tied into the anniversary of my birth? Is there some other kind of biological clock attached to my psyche that's prodding me to get seek revelations before I have 2 cups of coffee? 3 cups of coffee later... I'm still curious as to why this morning was different than the last 14,235 mornings of my life.

Birthdays are traditionally reserved for celebration; an acknowledgement by an other for another, of their admiration and thankfulness for them -- for their life. We reserve the first day of each calendar as our "New Year". Technically, our birthday is the start of our new year. As I pondered on this, I decided I was more likely to keep a resolution if I were to evaluate myself every 365 days of my life. What? Don't look at me like you haven't the foggiest idea what I am talking about.... you know all too well how we can have the best of intentions on New Year's Eve after a few cocktails, huh? Yeah, how many of those have you kept? Today, while under the influence of aging, I will take an inventory of my life, look at my goals, and decide how I will spend this coming year.

Burden of my Heart

This whole being in your 30's thing is not for the weak. You aren't old enough to continually bitch about how old you are, yet you aren't young enough to have naive expectations of what you are capable of doing.

Things perplexing my thoughts lately: What now?

Per personality and spiritual gifts test results, I am a born educator and encourager. What does that mean? God designed me to service. Whether it was teaching someone, encouraging them, being that proverbial shoulder to cry on, or narrating my experiences to help you with yours. Again, what am I doing? I sit in a 6x9 office, which let's be honest, might as well be my coffin, for 8 to 9 hours a day. I do the most ridiculous stuff, like add numbers together, or compile reports with senseless numbers on them, or punch plastic keys for what amounts to hours... Is this encouraging? Is it teaching? Is it really being of service to anyone? Ewww.

So, I take a leap of faith. I apply to the school board and land myself an interview with an incredible alternative school. It's for an administrative assistant position for the principal/director. Serving, check. The school is for middle-early high school students who are having trouble in a "normal" classroom and can't seem to master material on and pass the standardized testing they must pass. I would have contact with these students and possibly the opportunities to speak truths into their lives, like "you can do it" or "you are really talented/special/smart". Encouraging, check. Bonus, I would have the opportunity to be in an environment with educators, learning about new technology being used to assist these kids in the classroom and maybe even getting to interact in these classrooms with the kids. Teaching, check.


Good news, I was 'myself' at this interview and I nailed it. Finally an employer who finds the characteristics of being dependable, reliable, loyal, hard working, and self motivated VALUABLE. (You'd be amazed at how many of these yahoos just want to see what kind of 'game' you have on these interviews. Dumbest. Questions. Ever.) I got a second interview. Heck, I was even offered the job.

Bad news, I can no longer afford to work for $26,400.00 per year (yes, that's a gross income figure). It is downright shameful what we pay our educators and their support staff in this country. Well, in the the words of the principal, "it's just embarrassing". What's even more disgusting is that I was considered a "skilled" (or higher paid non-instructional employee). I can't even imagine what a lunch lady or aide makes! They probably qualify for food stamps! THESE PEOPLE SPEND MORE TIME WITH OUR CHILDREN THAN WE DO. What are we thinking? Maybe I should apply for a job at Lockheed-Martin/Halliburton/KBR? Maybe making ammunition/sucking oil out of the ground pays better? Hell, you can't work for Enron anymore, nor can I work for Arthur Andersen anymore for that matter. Bitter? Nope. Not at all.

Back to the question... What now? I yearn for the answer. I am not sure I have the energy to sit through one more interview with some smug corporate (or poser-wannabe-corporate SBO small business owner, way worse) schlub and 'run my game' all over again. Seriously, the dog and pony show thing bores the piss out of me, and to be a wee smug myself, it is WAY beneath me. I do have a job after all. And, yes, they realize I am dependable, reliable, loyal, hard working, and self motivated and would shit 900 lbs of flaming poo if they knew just how seriously I want free from my cage.

Meet the Cure

Meet the cure for Empty Nest Psychosis.

This little girl just arrived home from the puppy stork yesterday.

She doesn't have a name yet, but I am carefully pondering what name would be the most marketable when I figure how to bottle her up for resale. This euphoria is just too good to keep to oneself.

Ingredients: One pure bred Catahoula Leopard Dog puppy, soft velvety ears (for petting, when the world seems so utterly messed up), canine saliva (from sweet puppy kisses), small fine silver hairs (stuck to your pant legs, courtesy of wagging tail while being greeted at the door after a long day's work).

WARNINGS: Once you take this cure home, you will never get your heart back.

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Monday, June 4th 2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,

diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Participating is Helping, Right?

Today was the official work day at church.



The To Do list was:

1.) Paint one building's exterior (2 colors, contrastingly different than existing)

2.) Re-landscape bed around the sign.

3.) Re-plant flowers in planter below sign.

4.) Paint new color around lighted sign.

5.) Repaint letters on church sign.

6.) Paint 4 Sunday school rooms.

7.) Remove old carpet in 2 Sunday school rooms. (circa 1970 carpet/glue)

8.) Install new carpet in 2 Sunday school rooms.



Done just to prepare for this day:

a.) Pressure wash exterior of building

b.) Remove all furniture from 4 Sunday school rooms.



12 people from another church 80 miles away came to help. 2 of them were professional painters armed with every tool necessary AND a professional grade power sprayer.

Now for the guess what part? Guess how many people from OUR church showed up? Ummm, let's just say much less a ratio than the traveling volunteer painters. And, guess how much of this list got done? About 6 out of the 8.... which I must say is pretty amazing. We are a small church with big lists.

I am pretty much useless when it comes to this stuff. I can only roll smooth walls to 6.5', and that's with an extension pole. I definitely cannot roll out that exterior paint over the bumpy stucco 14' in the air - for I have zero upper body strength. I can't do ladders. Do the math, why can't a 4'11" acrophobic chick stand on the 5th rung of the ladder for too long? So, I am officially known as 'weed puller - water getter - trim girl'.

Do you want to know what makes me the craziest about church work days? The inevitable 'let down' experience of it all. When the people who show up are the ones who are more faithful, than useful; this makes it harder to complete the project because in this instance you really need the latter. I could see the hurt from the disappointment written all over my pastor's face.

About a year ago, after an emotionally devastating experience, I stopped allowing people to 'let me down'. Allow, you say? Yes, allow. Someone can only let you down if you allow them to. If you do not place your expectations on or hold your standards up to someone else, they cannot let you down. It's impossible. Here's my list of who I can count on:

1.) God

Nice list, eh? Can I still encounter disappointment with each other with this outlook? Most certainly. As humans, we are designed for each other's company. Your friend, neighbor, husband, mother, children are just as fallible as you are. Cliff notes version: It's best to keep things in perspective and only expect what's unexpected. It's not pessimistic, it's realistic.