Burden of my Heart

This whole being in your 30's thing is not for the weak. You aren't old enough to continually bitch about how old you are, yet you aren't young enough to have naive expectations of what you are capable of doing.

Things perplexing my thoughts lately: What now?

Per personality and spiritual gifts test results, I am a born educator and encourager. What does that mean? God designed me to service. Whether it was teaching someone, encouraging them, being that proverbial shoulder to cry on, or narrating my experiences to help you with yours. Again, what am I doing? I sit in a 6x9 office, which let's be honest, might as well be my coffin, for 8 to 9 hours a day. I do the most ridiculous stuff, like add numbers together, or compile reports with senseless numbers on them, or punch plastic keys for what amounts to hours... Is this encouraging? Is it teaching? Is it really being of service to anyone? Ewww.

So, I take a leap of faith. I apply to the school board and land myself an interview with an incredible alternative school. It's for an administrative assistant position for the principal/director. Serving, check. The school is for middle-early high school students who are having trouble in a "normal" classroom and can't seem to master material on and pass the standardized testing they must pass. I would have contact with these students and possibly the opportunities to speak truths into their lives, like "you can do it" or "you are really talented/special/smart". Encouraging, check. Bonus, I would have the opportunity to be in an environment with educators, learning about new technology being used to assist these kids in the classroom and maybe even getting to interact in these classrooms with the kids. Teaching, check.


Good news, I was 'myself' at this interview and I nailed it. Finally an employer who finds the characteristics of being dependable, reliable, loyal, hard working, and self motivated VALUABLE. (You'd be amazed at how many of these yahoos just want to see what kind of 'game' you have on these interviews. Dumbest. Questions. Ever.) I got a second interview. Heck, I was even offered the job.

Bad news, I can no longer afford to work for $26,400.00 per year (yes, that's a gross income figure). It is downright shameful what we pay our educators and their support staff in this country. Well, in the the words of the principal, "it's just embarrassing". What's even more disgusting is that I was considered a "skilled" (or higher paid non-instructional employee). I can't even imagine what a lunch lady or aide makes! They probably qualify for food stamps! THESE PEOPLE SPEND MORE TIME WITH OUR CHILDREN THAN WE DO. What are we thinking? Maybe I should apply for a job at Lockheed-Martin/Halliburton/KBR? Maybe making ammunition/sucking oil out of the ground pays better? Hell, you can't work for Enron anymore, nor can I work for Arthur Andersen anymore for that matter. Bitter? Nope. Not at all.

Back to the question... What now? I yearn for the answer. I am not sure I have the energy to sit through one more interview with some smug corporate (or poser-wannabe-corporate SBO small business owner, way worse) schlub and 'run my game' all over again. Seriously, the dog and pony show thing bores the piss out of me, and to be a wee smug myself, it is WAY beneath me. I do have a job after all. And, yes, they realize I am dependable, reliable, loyal, hard working, and self motivated and would shit 900 lbs of flaming poo if they knew just how seriously I want free from my cage.